I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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