She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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