My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's rum buckets o'clock
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
