I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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