Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
