Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize