She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
