there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
