fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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