Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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