I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
