How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
