My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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