he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
