Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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