Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
