Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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