He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
