We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
