This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
