I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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