I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
