just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
