i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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