Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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