If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
