I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
