she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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