the day after is always just damage control
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
