ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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