did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
