All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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