Your mouth is God's brothel.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I am available for nakedness
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
