I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
