So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
