I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
