How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
