I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
