$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
