You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
