Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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