Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize