so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
