now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
