Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
