My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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