She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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