Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
