y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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