Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
