Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
