Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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