eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
