The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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