You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
