im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
