I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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