Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we're making bets on your personal life
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
