Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
