So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
