Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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