now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
