Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
