My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
