i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
